The courtship period is a time for adventure and romance. It's also the time to get feisty with your desires and interests. A pre-wedding courtship can be a great time to travel, to try new things and to experiment with one another. Above all, it's a bonding experience, a preview of the decades of married life to come! Or maybe not, but it doesn't cost to try! Here's a list of do's and don’ts during courtship for all parties concerned so that you can make the best of it.
For the Groom
It's a sad fact that most advice during marriage or courtship period is directed to women and as a result, the groom is left out of the loop because everybody just assumes the man is a pro and he will know what to do. But in reality, maybe he is left to grope his way out, unsure as to how or where to proceed. We’re here to help you out.
1. Do communicate your desires effectively:
Communication is the most important tool humans possess - learn to use it effectively. Men have emotions and feelings too and it's okay to display them with your special one. Take a little help from the internet and look up some pre-wedding quotes for conversation starters if the "Hi what's up" is too cliched (which it is though).
2. Do let your creativity flow:
Want to surprise her with an adventure of a lifetime? Or want to write her an old-fashioned letter of love! You go man! Let no hesitation stop you. "Courtship" and "woo" might sound like words that existed when the Romans were still building Rome, but love is always an old-school affair that is grand and elegant with everything classy. A surprise trip to a place that your bride-to-be had in mind for a while is one way of expressing your care and bestow the love. The letter, of course, is a bliss and you can be ready for pink cheeks and moist eyes.
3. Do allow her to lead:
Don’t kill yourself trying to do and make everything perfect. Let her lead you too, especially when it comes to planning your wedding. She’s bound to have a few surprises up her sleeves that you can wait to unwrap on your D-day and these little things are the beginning of building a foundation for a "happily ever after."
1. Don't be a douchebag:
We get it, the course of true love rarely runs smooth. That, however, is no excuse to turn into an obnoxious weed. Some compromises make life sweeter after all. Was it rude? The point was basically do not end up overdoing things or being the one least prepared and ignore most of it to go MIA. Keep your involvement balanced and keep your cool to adjust to some downs in between the ups.
2. Don't be insecure:
If she’s the social bee and you’re the quiet introverted one, relax, take a deep breath; she chose to be with you, be confident in her choice. The wedding news is already so big and people will flock to the couple to congratulate and celebrate the developments and even if you feel on the sidelines in moments like these, she will entertain her part and let her be with you peacefully.
3. Don't consider courtship period as a burden:
Flowery words and sugary compliments, formal dates and a lot of money gone! Yeah, courtship can sometimes seem absurd and antiquated. But remember humans have practised it for years for a reason, and if you let your cynicism slip, you’ll enjoy it. Not always is it about fancy restaurants and candlelight dinners that the conventional millennial times demand during courtship, it can also be a picnic at the park or a long drive away from the city with rolled down windows and good music.
Explore your options and choose what suits best for you and for your bride-to-be, and remember to make an impact because this is the beginning of a journey of togetherness.
For the bride
You were the mistress of your own fate, the captain of your own soul. You didn’t need anyone to fulfil you, but then, Cupid had other ideas! Don’t fret about this change, but embrace the new. For courtship is a time for mellow fellowship, a time to celebrate the finer things in life.
1. Be bold:
You are still in charge of your life and your decisions. Let your partner experience your true self and let your boldness come out in every step so he can take a walk on the "wild side" and embrace you.
2. Do prepare to be spoiled:
You can expect your partner to be particularly attentive to your needs and your desires. Why not enjoy it while it lasts! Might as well high five on spoiling each other? Totally.
3. Do get to know his friends:
He might have people in his life who are very important to him but are complete strangers to you. Get to know them, who knows, you might develop wonderful friendships yourself.
1. Don't be rude:
You may be used to getting your own way but remember a little accommodation and a few smiles are the best antidotes to any tiff.
2. Don't be a killjoy:
Your man might want to enjoy his nights out with the guys, and its okay for him to do it once in a while. Don’t keep him to yourself all the time!
3. Don’t neglect your pals:
Instead of setting boundaries for him, why not utilise your alone time to catch up with your friends and go out for a night of fun.
Your best bud getting hitched can be an emotional rollercoaster. You are apprehensive about your own association, will it change, can it accommodate the presence of another person? Should you intrude when needed? The questions and perturbations can be manifold, so let us take down your anxiety levels a few notches.
1. Do tease within limits:
A joke once in a while to shake up your friend is fine, but remember you’re no Trevor Noah. What seems funny inside your head may not be as funny once it comes out of your mouth.
2. Suggest options:
Your friend is stressed and confused about this whole courtship business. Now’s the time to shine; help plan and create fun activities for your friend and their partner and maybe throw a bachelor's or bachelorette party for them. Help them out with themes or ideas for their pre-wedding photoshoot. They’ll be forever grateful.
3. Remember you are the third wheel:
Your friend may mean the world to you. However in courtship, remember to take a step back, for couples love their alone time.
1. Don't increase the couple's stress levels:
This one’s self-explanatory, courtship period is already anxiety-laden, anything that makes your friend hyperventilate is a no-go!
2. Don't invade their privacy:
Your ritual weekend parties have become irregular your friend seems always unavailable. This transitory period can be frustrating but don’t go about spoiling your friend’s plan by being their undesired guest.
3. Don't discuss their intimate moments:
Your friend may have detailed their most intimate and special moment with their partner. It’s incumbent upon you to not to gossip about it, no nudge-nudge, wink-wink I’m afraid!
This comprehensive guide will make your life infinitely easier during the courtship period. But remember, there are exceptions to every rule so feel free to follow instinct as and when necessary.
If you have your own rules for the courtship period, don’t forget to share in comments!